Sunday, 23 March 2014

Goodbye YouTube

So, you may have seen on my Instagram or Twitter that last night I made the executive decision to stop making YouTube videos. I have been making videos for around two years and I have made some amazing friends and had some great opportunities because of my YouTube channel. I got to go to events, I occasionally got sent press samples, I made partner and I got an internship at Grazia Magazine. Those have been incredible perks..but from the way I've been treated on social media recently, it's just not worth it for me anymore. 

I started making YouTube videos back in 2012 because I was really lonely. I was living at home, retaking my A Levels whilst all of my friends were off at University living new and exciting lives. I had watched YouTube videos for four years, and in January 2012 I decided to put up my first make up tutorial. 

I remember sitting at my laptop all day refreshing the page to see if anyone had liked the video or commented. In one day, my channel had reached 50 subscribers, and I started to feel like I was a part of something. Then the comments started to come in, and they were all so lovely, they really boosted my self esteem and I loved the interaction I had with my viewers. This has ALWAYS been my favourite part about YouTube. It wasn't about the views or the subscribers for me, it was about the interaction I was able to have with you guys. 

Over the past 3 months, I've been really unwell with a viral infection. I wasn't able to make videos or see any of my friends for a while which made me feel very isolated, and reminded me of how I felt back in 2012 when my friends all moved away to university. I didn't have YouTube to fall back on, because I was too ill to make videos. When I was feeling a little bit better, I was excited to get back on YouTube and chat to you all and to become part of the community again. But as I started to put up new videos, a lot of my comments were critical. 

Like I said before, I've been on YouTube for 2 years, I know better than anyone that critical comments are all part of the job. These comments weren't ones that I could just laugh off, as they were all on a common theme. They were all about my weight. Not only did I start to get these comments on YouTube, but also on Instagram and on Twitter.


These are a few comments I have gotten. I feel like I'm already in a battle with myself about my weight and the way I look, I don't need anyone else to fuel the fire. I understand that some may criticise me and say that if I can't handle the criticism, then why put myself out there on the internet for anyone to comment. You know what they say, if you can't handle the heat, get out of the here's me hanging up my apron (..or my video camera)

I really hope that no one feels that I'm ungrateful for all of the support that I have received over the last two years, because I am so so thankful for every single lovely comment, tweet and thumbs up on all of my videos. I'm not in a good place in my life at the moment for a lot of personal reasons, I'm not feeling very happy and YouTube is not improving the situation. At the end of the day, YouTube is my hobby and not my job, and if I'm not enjoying it then why force myself to produce content that I won't enjoy making and thus you guys probably won't enjoy watching.

Thank you to those of you who have supported me, and I'm really sorry if I've let anyone down. I'm still considering making a vlog channel for when I move to Australia in July, and maybe occasionally doing fashion posts on this blog, but I will not be making fashion videos on YouTube. I'm not saying ever again, but at least not for a while.

I hope that you all enjoy the rest of your weekend and if you'd still like to follow me on social media platforms, you know where to find me.

Instagram: faye_wonderland

Monday, 6 January 2014

My 2014 Goals

Welcome to my brand new blog! Technically it's not "brand new", I've actually had this blog since 2011, but all that's explained in the About section! For my first post I thought that I'd share my 2014 goals with you all, as they're something I've been thinking about since the turn of the new year.

I've never been particularly good at keeping New Year's resolutions as I get lazy or "forget" that I've given up chocolate after I've finished those two slices of cake. I wanted to make my goals challenging but realistic, so I won't put myself in a position where I'm beating myself up if I fail. I find that resolutions are commonly set with the aspiration to better oneself, and mine are no different.  

So without further ado, here are my 2014 goals:

1. To take better care of my body. This applies to all aspects from fitness to general wellbeing. I've been really slack with my health over the last year and as a result I've made myself quite ill! I wouldn't say I eat particularly unhealthily, especially for a student but I could definitely improve on what I put into my body. It can be said that I do little to no exercise, which for a generally well 21 year old is quite appalling!

2. Drink and smoke less. Ok, I realise that I'm starting to sound like Bridget Jones, but I drink a disgusting amount. This is because I'm a student, not an alcoholic and I have quite an active social life. This realisation may be something which comes with age, but I've discovered that the long term effects of binge drinking aren't just a myth or a government hoax..they're pretty fucking real. The same goes for smoking, I'm paying £10 every few days to kill myself quicker..seems a bit silly when it's put plainly.

3. Be more careful with my heart...but not too careful. After all, girls just wanna have fun, but I have notoriously terribly consistent taste in terrible men. Don't let the bastards grind you down.

4. Work harder. This is of paramount importance. Last term I was very relaxed about whether or not I went to my classes and that's just not ok. Before I know it, university will be over and I'll regret not having taken advantage of everything that was on offer. I'm studying a subject that I love, so there's no reason why I shouldn't want to go to my classes..apart from my favourite class being at 9am last semester..ain't nobody got time fo that.

5. Continue to get involved. My time as Social Secretary of my university's Fashion Society is sadly about to come to an end. I can't reapply for next year's committee as I'm going on a year abroad in June, but it's been one of my favourite things about university so far. I've made so many friends that I wouldn't have met otherwise and I feel that I can look back on this experience and feel proud that I put as much effort into it as I could have. Although I can't be on a committee anymore, I can still get involved with the societies and I want to continue to write for the student newspapers and carry on building my book of work for internships.

6. Take full advantage of my year abroad. I'm fortunate enough to be taking a year out of my studies to go to university abroad. I don't find out where I'm going until the end of the month but I hope that I'll have the opportunity to do lots of travelling, learn new things, eat interesting foods and meet new people.

7. Get another internship. I interned on the Grazia beauty desk back in September and I can honestly say it changed my life. It was my first experience of what it meant to have a big girl job and although it wasn't all fun and games, it really did change my life. It's opened up a lot of doors for me and increased my desire to work in the industry.

8. Do everything to the best of my ability. From my uni work, to my YouTube/Blog and my friendships. It's not cool to look back on something and think I did a half-arsed job, but that's true of a lot of things in my life at the moment. I want to look back on things that I've done and feel proud that I've done it to the best of my ability, whether or not it was successful. Your best is all you can do.

9. Be more organised. My organisation is awful. My bedroom is always untidy, my uni work is always in piles instead of in folders and I'm always late. This needs to change.

10. Be happy. Sometimes I forget that thousands of people go to my university, giving me the luxury to choose my friends! We're all guilty of being involved in toxic relationships, friendships or otherwise, and surrounding ourselves with people who only exude negativity. I'm sure we've all also been guilty of chasing after a friendship or relationship with someone which is clearly not going to work out or isn't wanted by both parties. It takes two. One sided relationships are never fulfilling and only make you feel more depressed. As does caring too much what other people think. It's easy to forget that those who are unsupportive of your hobbies or aspirations aren't your real friends, cut them out sooner rather than later! The less you care, the happier you'll be.

What are your 2014 goals? I hope that you all have an amazing 2014!